21 February 2024

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Masturbation addiction: when solo pleasure becomes a compulsive need

Masturbation — nothing more natural. Practised regularly, it is good for your health and helps you enjoy a healthier sex life. Not to mention the wellbeing and immediate relaxation generated by a solo session!

All well and good, but what about masturbating too frequently? What should you do when it seems truly impossible to go without this solo pleasure?

When masturbation becomes compulsive, we can speak of masturbation addiction. A dependency that can be associated with other issues, such as erectile dysfunction, and is sometimes accompanied by a porn addiction.

Do you recognise yourself in this description? Before you panic and call a helpline, take a breath. Let's take stock of this issue, with some keys to understanding it and avenues for treatment. Spoiler alert: masturbation addiction is, above all, something that happens in the mind.

What is masturbation addiction?

Masturbation addiction is a very high dependency on solo sexual stimulation. We speak of masturbation addiction when it is no longer merely an occasional, controlled way of feeling good sexually, but a compulsive act.

Masturbation then occurs at an abnormal frequency, or in inappropriate contexts (hello, the slightly-too-long "toilet break" at work). The person with the dependency seems unable to set any limits on their need to masturbate or watch porn.

This can have an impact on various aspects of daily life: one's sex life, relationships or even professional life can all be affected.

Even if it is accompanied by physical issues such as erectile difficulties, masturbation addiction is above all psychological. This dependency is diagnosed by a therapist, such as a sex therapist, and requires their support.

Here is a short introductory video on the subject for the more visually minded among you.

How do I know if I masturbate too much?

Before rushing off to a meeting of M.A. (Masturbators Anonymous), take a few moments to consider the following figures.

According to a study[1] cited by Midi Libre, men masturbate on average 154 times a year. On a weekly basis, that works out to 2.96 times per week… And that is an average, meaning that among those surveyed, some masturbate much more often — every day, for example! That is just to give you an idea of what a "normal" frequency looks like on a global scale.

If, for your part, you feel the need to masturbate several times within an hour, for example, you may want to start asking yourself some questions. It is worth knowing that men have a so-called "refractory period" of around 30 minutes after an ejaculatory orgasm. During this time, the body is normally unable to produce an erection. Masturbating beyond this limit may signal a dependency.

But to know whether one is suffering from masturbation addiction, frequency is not the only factor to consider. As some sex therapists point out, there are other unmistakable signs, including:

An impulsive dimension to masturbation (inability to control oneself);
A feeling of unease before masturbating (stress, anxiety, sadness…) that motivates it;
A feeling of shame or guilt after masturbating.

In other words, if you feel that very frequent masturbation has become an absolute necessity for feeling well, there may be something worth looking into. It would then be wise to turn to a sex therapist to establish a diagnosis and receive appropriate support.

We return to the emotional dimension of masturbation addiction a little further down in this article.

The risks of excessive masturbation

We will not be discussing the myths and legends surrounding masturbation here — those that claim, for example, that it causes deafness. Simply because, as any serious sex therapist will confirm, these are indeed myths, with no real basis in fact.

However, masturbation addiction can be linked to certain health issues, particularly in the genital area. Compulsive masturbation over a prolonged period can damage the corpora cavernosa of the penis. These minor traumas can eventually cause a condition known as Peyronie's disease, which manifests as a deformity of the penis.

Another physical issue potentially caused by masturbation addiction: premature ejaculation. Admittedly, masturbating at a "normal" frequency can help combat this condition by training yourself to delay ejaculation. On the other hand, an excess of solo pleasure can have the opposite effect, conditioning the brain to trigger the ejaculatory reflex more quickly.

Compulsive or excessive masturbation is also often associated with erectile dysfunction. Nevertheless, a clarification is needed here: according to some sex therapists, it is not masturbation itself that causes these difficulties. They would instead be generated by the psychological issues that cause the addiction, which we discuss a little further below.

Compulsive masturbation can also have an impact on desire within a relationship. A couple's sex life can be affected, with for example a drop in libido or wavering desire for one's partner. Here again, beyond the act of masturbating itself, it is the more "inner" dimension of this habit that will need to be examined in order to understand and resolve the issue.

Porn addiction, often associated with compulsive masturbation

Very often, masturbating compulsively goes hand in hand with another dependency: that of pornography.

Sexy videos, images and magazines also become sine qua non conditions for wellbeing. It seems impossible to face the demands of daily life without consuming this type of content. Porn appears to have become, like masturbation, indispensable.

The signs of a dependency on solo pleasure described by many sex therapists are the same as those that characterise a porn addiction. The inability to control oneself, inner unease before watching, a feeling of shame and/or guilt — these are all telltale signs of a potential porn addiction.

Masturbation addiction: sometimes a symptom of a deeper issue

A sign of excessive stress

Any good sex therapist will tell you: a dependency on solo pleasure is far more than a "bad habit". Like any compulsive behaviour, sexual or otherwise, it very often has its roots in the person's inner world.

Compulsive or overly frequent masturbation can first be linked to a high level of stress. An intense work pace, significant responsibilities, relationship tensions or a stressful family life…

Masturbation is in any case an easy and quick way to release pleasure hormones into the body. These instantly reduce stress and help the body to relax.

So, if masturbating or watching porn have become your only ways of unwinding after a long day, it is possible that your compulsive behaviour is being driven by a daily life that demands a little too much of you.

A remedy for depression

Still within the realm of mental health, compulsive and/or overly frequent masturbation can be a sign of a depressive state. Here again, it is the feel-good hormones released by solo pleasure and orgasm that provide temporary relief from this psychological state.

Whatever its causes, depression is in any case a condition that must absolutely not be overlooked, and which often requires professional support. It indicates that something is not right, whether in the brain's chemistry or in one's external environment.

Moreover, its impacts are numerous, particularly on a relational level: it can for example affect desire, and therefore the couple's sexual health. According to some sex therapists, it is also porn addiction that gives rise to erectile difficulties, rather than compulsive masturbation itself.

If giving yourself sexual pleasure is the only thing bringing you even a small sense of contentment and joy right now, here too it is important not to remain alone. Speaking to a sex therapist or a trusted psychologist can be a great help in identifying the causes of your difficulties.

The expression of an unmet need

As you will have gathered: seeking pleasure without limits often has an inner origin.

Beyond stress and depression, such a habit can more generally indicate an unmet need. This need may first be sexual in nature: for example, one may feel frustrated in the bedroom with one's partner due to unfulfilled fantasies. Or one may feel lonely, without a partner to share intimate moments with.

A dependency on solo sex can also reflect an emotional void — the need to simply feel seen, touched, caressed by someone else. But the unmet need that masturbation compensates for can also be of an entirely different nature. For instance, when masturbation is a remedy for stress, perhaps the unmet need is simply that of unwinding, of having a little more time for oneself.

If it helps you cope with a depressive state, perhaps other aspects of your daily life need revisiting — such as the time you devote to work vs. Leisure or to the people you love.

So, if you genuinely believe you are addicted, it is possible that some of your desires or needs — sexual or otherwise — are not being met.

→ Read also: How to surprise a woman?

I'm addicted to masturbation — what should I do?

Consult a sex therapist

Very often, the roots of an addiction run deeper and are more complex than one might think. As such, professional support may prove necessary to truly understand and address the problem.

If you think you are addicted to masturbation, seeking the opinion of a sex therapist or a therapist you trust may be the right course of action. Over the course of sessions, they will help you identify what, within yourself and your surroundings, may be driving you to masturbate compulsively.

And remember: no one is judging you. Your therapist is there to help you. For your part, try as much as possible to be kind and patient with yourself — there is nothing wrong with you. You simply have one (or more) unmet needs.

If you cannot afford to see a professional, confide in someone you trust, such as a close friend with whom sexuality is not a taboo subject.

Another cost-free method: write down what you are experiencing and feeling in a notebook. Putting your thoughts on paper can indeed help you understand why you are dependent. In your notebook, write about what you feel before, during and after your solo session. Then question yourself about the possible unmet need hidden behind this habit, and write down the possible answers.

Addressing the root causes

Stress

If guidance from a sex therapist or your own introspection helps you understand the causes of your dependency, you are on the right track. The next step will be to tackle the problem by changing what, in your life, is driving you to masturbate compulsively.

So, if you realise that this habit is caused by excessively high stress, ask yourself what actions you could take to reduce it. Could it be, for example, setting a few more boundaries at work? Expressing your need to decompress to those close to you?

Relationship dissatisfaction

If your "manual reflex" stems more from a struggling relationship or an unsatisfied sexual need, there is only one solution: communicate. Unless they happen to be Charles Xavier of the X-Men, your partner is not a telepath. Telling them verbally what you feel is missing in your relationship — whether in the bedroom or in everyday life — is essential to changing things.

Generalised dissatisfaction

Have you just realised that masturbating is a way of coping with a daily life that weighs on you or no longer suits you? First of all, well done — that kind of self-awareness is genuinely not easy. Next, it is important to approach the problem step by step.

What changes (even small ones) could you make right here and now that might help you feel better? Could it be, for example, devoting a little more time to the people you love? Going for a walk in nature? Playing a crossword or a round of Mario Kart with your mates? Finally starting that creative project you've had your heart set on for a long time?

Only you can determine what will make you happier. And remember: every significant change takes time and effort. Be patient — with the process first, but also and above all with yourself.

Changing your approach

What if your compulsive masturbation were simply a matter of technique? Perhaps you are not finding full satisfaction in your solo pleasure sessions, which leads you to repeat the act endlessly…

Before opting for a long and difficult period of abstinence, a simple change of approach may well be enough to treat your dependency. Focusing on quality rather than quantity will help you truly enjoy these moments of self-care, drawing greater sexual satisfaction from them.

One solution: the use of specialist sex toys

Using a sex toy such as a masturbator, for example, can help break impulsive behaviours by introducing a more considered and intentional process.

Why? In fact, using a masturbator involves a preliminary ritual: preparing your toy, applying lubricant, building up the heat, enjoying yourself until you can no longer hold back… Then putting away and caring for your toy. By adopting these small habits, the individual finds himself in a dynamic that is the opposite of impulsivity, requiring instead a conscious and deliberate preparation.

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Masturbation addiction: key takeaways

We hope this article on masturbation addiction has helped you better understand the subject. In any case, do not forget: patience and kindness towards yourself are indispensable factors in feeling better. We believe in you!

Thibault Ayrinhac

Web writer

[1] Study conducted in cooperation between Womanizer and Lucid in May 2022 with 22,315 men and women from 16 countries and regions (Australia, Austria, Canada, China, France, Germany, South Korea, Italy, Hong Kong, Japan, New Zealand, Singapore, Spain, Switzerland, United Kingdom, United States)

Masturbation addiction: our advice